


Skin

by flecksofpoppy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Related, Gen, Head Canon Galore, M/M, Reibert - Freeform, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-05-16
Packaged: 2018-01-24 23:52:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1621517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flecksofpoppy/pseuds/flecksofpoppy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for an anon prompt on tumblr: <i>Aaaaaaangst. Whether it's bcause of the inability to remember, self-loathing, or something completely different, there should be TEARS. Also porn. Hot, steamy, tearful porn.</i></p><p>Bertolt resents his human side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Skin

Bertolt has never been a caretaker. He doesn’t consider himself to be nurturing, and finds the concept to be unsettlingly human. Out of the three of them, he thinks he’s the least human; this fact gives him comfort. 

One of the first times he shifted, he had looked into a lake to see his own altered appearance. His face looked nothing like the way it did in daily life when he was in his human form, and he didn’t even have to smile because his teeth arced right around his face like a ring.

Bertolt now despises being in his human form. He feels like he’s wobbling and colt-like—tall and not in control of his limbs, even though he’s withstood brutal training unknown to humankind. He doesn’t even try to understand the potential of his human body—long, lanky, and outfitted with so little muscle it’s laughable.

Bertolt feels self-conscious in his human body. It’s not that he hasn’t spent a good amount of time physically being human—he has—but nothing can compare to the experience of shifting.

There’s something so transparent about the feeling of moving without skin, only a permanent smile of teeth and the power of height. 

But then there’s Reiner, who is a caretaker.

He and Bertolt have been close since they were tiny, and it was Reiner that protected him until Bertolt grew tall; Reiner’s always been strong.

But Bertolt grows increasingly concerned as they train. He watches as Reiner willingly shoulders everyone’s burdens, as if to forget his own.

At night, Bertolt holds onto Reiner tightly—they always sleep next to each other—because he’s afraid of what will happen to them. Whether they go home, whether they stay, or whether they follow the plan; _they_ aren’t taken into account. _They_ are warriors—expendable, sacrifices, a pile of muscle and bone.

He wonders what Annie is thinking, even though he’s fully aware she’d never tell him. Annie is as hard as the crystal she can create, but he sees it in her eyes—he sees her fear.

= = =

Bertolt kisses Reiner to stop him from crying.

He does it because he knows Reiner wants it.

He does it because he wants it.

He does it because it helps him forget about skin—the kind he’s relieved not to have when he shifts.

“Be quiet,” he says, hoping it sounds harsh as the kiss breaks, “or else you’re going to give us away.”

It’s the middle of the night and they’re in the bunks; Reiner is shivering even underneath the blankets and his pajamas.

“I helped Armin with his pack today,” he whispers, tears still in his eyes. He sniffles pathetically, and Bertolt feels simultaneous disgust and protectiveness wash through him. “Do you think that will detract from my grade?”

Bertolt gets close and wraps his arms around Reiner, shaking his head.

“Don’t you remember?” he murmurs, trying not to cry. Crying is very human, after all.

“Bertl?” Reiner whispers back, embracing him in return tightly.

“Yeah,” Bertolt replies. “That’s what you call me.”

“Can we go home soon?” he shudders.

Bertolt slides his hand up into Reiner’s short hair, stroking through it.

“Just a little longer,” he replies softly, sighing. “Roll over.”

Reiner does as asked, rolling onto his side. Bertolt presses his hands against Reiner’s back and starts to gently rub the tension out of tense shoulders.

He used to do this when they first learned to shift, and Reiner couldn’t quite come away completely from being what humankind called “The Armored Titan.” Reiner’s body would tense up, convulsing; then, after the seizures stopped, Bertolt would massage his back gently, help him relax his muscles, and fully return to his human form.

“Can you touch my skin?” Reiner asks quietly after a few minutes.

Bertolt slides his warm hands up under Reiner’s night shirt and works at his shoulders.

Reiner falls asleep, and Bertolt kisses the back of his neck and wraps arms around him soundly.

“You’re strong,” he murmurs, “you’ll survive. Just a little longer.”

= = =

Once, Bertolt saw a spider web stretched between two tree branches in the early morning, staring as it shone in the dawn.

He’s never stopped to admire things like that before.

He feels the need to touch Reiner’s skin again.

He cries in private, and he forces the tears to steam away, even as his face burns.


End file.
